


The Answer

by nimini_ninoni



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Age Up, Angst, Body Modification, Break Up, College, Dating, Fluff, Geeks, High School, Kisses, M/M, Piercing, Post canon, Song - Freeform, Song fic, Tattoos, bros being bros, bros being gay, nerds, squip canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 15:23:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17226527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimini_ninoni/pseuds/nimini_ninoni
Summary: Michael and Jeremy wonder if their relationship is still salvageable after a year of being apart.





	The Answer

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man alright  
> Songs to listen to  
> Still into you - Gareth Bush cover (the song that started this whole fic)  
> Ultimately - Khai Dreams  
> And this little animation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj_onvp33DQ

Jeremy readjusted his tie for the 10th time and told himself to  _ just breathe _ and  _ take deep breaths  _ while holding his breath and trying his best not to hyperventilate. He should definitely start listening to his own advice soon but  _ when _ in the history of Jeremy Heere’s life had he ever not been a living oxymoron. He looked at himself in the mirror again and checked that yes his hair was still brown and his eyes were, of course, still blue. He was still the same plain, dull, boring Jeremy, except today he looked smarter he guessed, and his cheeks were tinted the lightest shade of pink. He pulled at his eye bags, slapped at his cheeks twice to try to calm down. 

Today would be the first time in a year he’d be spending an entire day with Michael. Could he still call Michael his best friend? Could Michael call  _ him  _ his best friend? Jeremy hadn’t meant to leave Michael in silence for so long, you just get older and time gets in the way and before you know it, you’ve drifted so far. 

Jeremy pulled the tie off concluding that it was definitely too formal for someone like Michael. They were just going out on a casual outing for a casual lunch and then a casual walk. It would be chill. It would be fine. 

Totally. Fine. 

But then why were his fingers gripping the edge of his dresser so tightly? ...Maybe he did need that tie after all…

*

*

*

Michael could recognize that face anywhere. Frankly, it would be really hard to miss a face you’ve seen grow and change for the past what, 15 years? Michael wanted to call out to him, but he couldn’t just drop the performance right now. He was the lead singer at Chloe’s wedding — which he’d already been paid for — so he definitely couldn’t just up and go even if every fibre of his being was burning with need. This wasn’t some romantic fiction after all. 

Michael gripped the mic in his hand until his knuckles went pale, hoping  _ he _ wouldn’t leave so soon. It was just one more song  _ please please stay.  _

He turns around and his eyes are just as deep blue as Michael remembers and Michael wants to shout his name into the mic but also speak it softly in a whisper because the name belongs to him only. He ends up forgetting some lyrics but covers it up with humming and the thumping of his heart. 

_ Jeremy.  _ He’s looking straight at the stage now with wide eyes and Michael’s sure he’s doing the same. He wants to reach out, to grab him, to pull him onto the stage. He wants to scream and shout and cry but he doesn’t. 

Michael just doesn’t. 

He pulls himself together enough to finish the performance, take a bow, then step away from the band.

It is a very small family restaurant. The floors are boards of glossy wood and the walls are nude brick upon brick. Fairy lights illuminate the wooden ceiling and dim orange incandescent lamps light the corners. It truly is a perfect venue for a wedding. 

Chloe and Brooke take center stage to exchange soft words while Michael navigates the cozy crowd. Words he never thought he’d string together but it was really the kind of crowd filled with familiar faces. The kind you could hardly get anxiety over, which was why Michael was able to perform in the first place. 

It was almost impossible to find  _ him _ even in a crowd this small and Michael was starting to feel his heart sink. Typical Jeremy, running away again. He stepped outside instead, letting the autumn breeze hit him. It was just beginning to get chilly, but not quite scarf weather. Even the outside of the restaurant was super romantic. With a gazebo decorated with pink and red roses and sheer white curtains, a path littered with rose petals, and a forest of secrets that stretches far beyond what the eye can see. It really is a perfect locale.  

Michael leans on the ledge furthest away from the curtains and fishes around his pockets for a pack of cigarettes and his lighter, whisking them out in a practiced motion and lighting the end in a flash. 

And then, in the quiet of the night, he hears the crinkling of leaves getting closer to him. Michael doesn’t move. Like an old feeling that you just know, like the back of your hand, like the way autumn will change into winter. It was going to happen anyway. 

Because it’s 

“Jeremy” you can almost hear him sing the name through pursed lips and swirling smoke. He can practically feel Jeremy freeze in his steps. Typical Jeremy. 

“Michael” he says back. His heart still skips a beat at the voice. “Hey.” 

Michael turns around “Hey” he replies and settles against the ledge again. “How’ve you been?” he surprises himself with how easy the words leave his lips. Like they were best friends again. 

“Good?” Jeremy rubs a sleeved arm with his other hand. “You were amazing up there” 

And just like magic, Michael can hear the thrumming of his heart again. “Thanks” he says, smiling in the darkness. Michael takes another drag of smoke and lets the warmth settle inside him. 

The breeze grows stronger making the trees shake and the leaves rain around them. Jeremy wraps his arms around himself and just the action alone makes Michael want to touch him. He stubs out his cigarette by stomping it beneath his feet, making sure it’s out before walking over to Jeremy. 

Michael’s wearing one of his favourite blazers today. It’s white on the outside with silver diamonds glinting at just the right angle, but the inside is lined with dark crimson silk. He takes it off and wraps it around Jeremy’s shoulders in one swift motion, and even in the dim moonlight he can see Jeremy blush. 

“Um..”

“You always did get cold really fast” he says, and then offers a warm smile. Jeremy lets his fingers run over the fabric. It’s soft to the touch and smells too heavily of cologne he doesn’t recognize. It’s suffocating. Being around Michael is so suffocating. 

How can all this just be so  _ easy  _ to him? 

“Hey uh” Jeremy takes a step closer so his arm is just touching Michael's. “Do you wanna, like, catch up and stuff?” 

“I'm kind of in the middle of a band thing?” Michael laughs and it's just as charming as Jeremy remembers. 

“I-I mean!” Jeremy stammers. “Like somewhere else, sometime else, something… Else?” 

 

There's a knot in Michael's throat. A word that's forcing its way out of him. A word he's wanted to say for ages but for the longest time only brought him regret. But Jeremy's here and he's asking so nicely and he's wearing Michael's blazer and he smells like cheap cologne. He's always worn that same fragrance that edged too much into mom perfume. 

Jeremy's getting jittery as he shifts his weight from foot to foot. “It's okay if you don't want to… I mean…” 

And suddenly Michael can't say no. 

Suddenly the silent year falls away. 

Suddenly, the answer is easy. 

*

“Yes.”

Jeremy blinks once. Twice, incredulous. “You're seriously moving to London?” 

“Dude, that's what I just said” Michael snapped. It wasn't like him to get pissed at something like that. But then, it wasn't like Jeremy to get pissed so easily too. 

“You didn't tell me…”

“You didn't tell me you'd break up with me either” Jeremy hated how much that stung. He hated that there was no remorse in Michael's voice even more. 

“Hope college is easier over there” Jeremy grits his teeth while holding out his hand and when  _ the fuck has Jeremy Heere ever offered a fucking handshake?  _ But Michael takes it anyway. It's weird how the same gesture that once brought him immense joy just feels like dead butterflies right now. 

Michael doesn't retract his hand immediately, instead choosing to explore the creases of Jeremy’s hand one more time. He feels the calluses on Jeremy's fingertips and remembers the one time Jeremy tried to serenade him with a song. His fingers had hurt for weeks but he said it didn't matter as long as Michael was happy. Where did that time go? 

“Um” Jeremy pulls his hand away and Michael feels his heart stop beating and every word of love he had before shrivel up and die in his throat. 

“You ready?” came a voice behind Jeremy.

“Rich?” oh man was this ‘try to crush Jeremy Heree's heart day? 

“Hey dude” Rich waved at Jeremy, who waved back weakly. “Uhh am I interrupting something?”

“I don't know. Are you?” Michael glared at Jeremy and suddenly it felt hard to breathe. Why was Rich here? Why did he have luggage? Were they dating? Jeremy felt his head spin and his insides swirling into mush. 

“No” he said softly. He felt disappointed in himself but helpless at the same time. 

_ Attention, Flight 420 for the 5pm plane is leaving soon. Please make your way to the gate now.  _

It was too soon to say goodbye, but then had there ever been a good time to say goodbye? 

“You go ahead Rich.” 

“You sure? Plane lady says it's gonna leave without us.”

“I have longer legs than you” Michael shot back with a sarcastic grin. If Jeremy weren't so upset right now he'd be trying his hardest to hold back laughter. 

“You're on your own tall ass” Rich flipped Michael the bird, who flipped one back in reply and went off on his way. 

Back to awkward fidgeting and silence. 

“You didn't think I'd be living alone did you?” 

_ Living together before I got a chance. Ha.  _ “Didn't think it'd be Rich.”

Michael shrugged his shoulders. “We're taking the same courses so might as well” Jeremy nodded but he'd already gone on autopilot, his mind too occupied with too many thoughts. 

“Don't miss me too much” Michael said and offered a smile. Jeremy felt his knees go weak as they always did when Michael pulled that card. 

“I'll try not to” he said, out stretching his hand again. Michael stared at it for a moment as if to say ‘again'? But accepted the handshake anyway. 

The moment Jeremy felt Michaels hand in his he pulled at it hard, crashing his lips against Michaels. It probably wasn't such a good idea to do this in public, but fuck all this might be his only chance. 

He’d expected Michael to pull away and to run immediately but felt him melting into the kiss easily like he'd done so for the past year. He realized that Jeremy had been fretting a lot before this because his lips felt so raw and his jaw is clenched tight. Michael wanted to caress this boys cheek and tell him everything would be alright but that wasn't how they worked anymore and the sparks running through his veins died at the thought. 

They parted and Jeremy is pouting and  _ stop fucking pouting god damn it.  _

“I'll miss you” Jeremy says, taking the earring off his right ear and putting it in Michaels hand. He expected Michael to retract, step back, tell him that he's seeing Rich now. But Michael just waited. There was a beat of hesitation as Jeremy gulped while closing Michaels fist around the earring and it burned in his fist. 

“A lot” he says solemnly. A promise from long ago echoed in Michaels mind and he wanted to let out sobs he’d been holding from so long ago. 

_ Last call for plane 420! _

“You'd better go.”

“Yeah” but his feet were rooted to the carpeted floor. 

“Goodbye” Jeremy waved. He tried to smile but he knew it was faltering at the edges. Michael gripped his bag strap tighter. He looked at Jeremy, beautiful, wonderful and fucking stupid Jeremy. He pocketed the earring and felt its bump and ridges. It was weary and old but like tetris pieces, they still fit together perfectly. 

Michael had tried to forget Jeremy as much as he could since that day, but how do you erase half of your life? How do you just drop everything you've known? 

You can't. 

“Will I… See you again?” Michael asked softly, surprising even himself. 

And the answer came tumbling out of Jeremys mouth far too eagerly. 

*

“Yes” Jeremy wipes at dry eyes “I still like him” he says. There's no waver in his voice this time. Christine nods encouragingly at his side.    
“You should tell him!” 

“But what if he's still mad?”  _ What if he doesn't like me back anymore?  _

“Do you really think that?” Christine asks, leaning forward. “Your best friend of 13 years and ex boyfriend of 1. Do you really think he'll give up that easily??”

Jeremy places a finger on his chin. Thinking about it that way did put a lot more things into perspective. Michael had always been there for him even when he was a shitty friend. Even when the world was about to end.

Michael was too amazing. 

Jeremy took a deep breath and said “I can't do this” all in one breath, face buried in his hands much to Christine's dismay.

“Look, it's already pretty awkward isn't it?”

“Which is _why_ I shouldn't be telling him this.”

“Which is exactly why _ you should _ . How much worse can it get?” 

Jeremy thought about it for a bit. “He might move away and never talk to me again.”

“Pshhh do you really think he'd do that?”

“...No?” Christine's words from earlier about them being best friends for years rang through his head again. “No, it will… It'll be fine. I think.” Jeremy says. He isn't exactly smiling, but he's got a crooked grin on his face. It would be fine. Their friendship had lasted so long, surely their love would last longer right? 

Christine places her hand over his “I know it'll be fine. So let's hear it, a confident answer!”

*

“Yes, I'm breaking up with you.”

Jeremy had expected the world to crash around him when the words left his mouth. Instead, all he felt was burnt out. It wasn't like either of them hadn't seen this coming. With dates getting less frequent and college applications getting in the way, every day came long stretches of silence and awkward texts. In a way, it was sort of bound to happen. 

Then there was the ever lingering feeling of  _ I’m so sorry I fucked up please take me back please.  _

Michael let his hair cover his face and even that sent knives straight to Jeremy's entire nervous system. He was shaking he knew, but Michael wasn't there anymore. 

He turned and shut the door behind him and now he  _ really  _ wasn't there anymore.

Jeremy let himself crumble to the floor. He expected tears and screaming and shouting but there was nothing but silence and the slow thumping of his heart. 

This was what he deserved, right?

*

“Yeah” Jeremy put his arm across his eyes. “She’s gone.” 

“For good?” 

“As good as it gets” he says deadpan. It’s all Jeremy can do to contain the monster inside him. He feels it spread across him like ink on paper, corrupting every piece of good he’s got. Michael’s beside him stroking and patting his hair but all he feels is numbness. Suddenly it wasn’t very fair that Michael has 2 lovely moms while Jeremy barely even got a phone call and his dad couldn’t even pull his life together. His dad was trying, Jeremy knew, but the pit of anger inside him was growing and it was getting so hard to control. 

“How’re you doing?” Michael knew it was a stupid question but he didn’t know what else to say. 

“How does it look?” Jeremy says, his heart squeezing too hard. He didn’t want to hurt the only person who was actually still here massaging his stiff shoulders. His mom had run away because she was laundering money or something equally illegal. It wasn’t like she was a particularly good mother or anything, but it still fucking hurts to know the shit she’s been doing behind his and his fathers back. And his father? He’d gone back to being the lonely recluse he was before the whole SQUIP thing, this time with pants. Not that it really mattered that much anymore. 

“I’m sure your dad’s going through tough times” Michael says gently, shifting his hands from Jeremy’s shoulders to his temples. “At least she’s gone.”

And suddenly Jeremy’s thinking who the  _ fuck  _ gave Michael any right to say shit like that? 

“She’s  _ fucking gone, Michael”  _ Jeremy growls. 

“What?” they both go deathly still. 

“She just took off” Jeremy feels fire burning up his throat. “Mom’s gone. Dad’s in his own head again” Jeremy pulls his hand violently away from his face and sits up. “When’s it gonna be your turn?” he feels tears prick at the corner of his eyes and lets them leak. He feels his cheeks dampen with tears but it still feels hot and angry inside him. 

Michael scoots closer to rub Jeremy’s back but Jeremy just slaps his hand away. 

He doesn’t know why. Only the feeling of burning every little good thing in his life away. If no one was gonna be there for him, it’d be easier to just get used to being alone now right? 

_ What kind of fucked up logic is that?  _ It was a small, familiar robotic voice, but Jeremy’s was louder. 

_ He’s going to leave just like everyone else. I’m gonna fuck it all up and he’s gonna get hurt and he’s gonna leave just like everyone else.  _

“Jer you gotta talk to me” he can feel Michaels hand trying to wipe the tears from his face, but Jeremy holds them in a death grip. 

_ You’re making a mistake. _

_ No I’m not. _

He gets up off the floor leaving Michael in the dust. 

“Jeremy we can talk this out!” 

_ Jeremy Heere you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.  _

“Jeremy  _ please!” _

He doesn’t look back when he closes the door.

He leaves Michael wondering  _ what the fuck just happened  _ but whatever it was it somehow had to be his fault. Right?

*

“Yes!” Michael pumps a fist into the air. He’s even got stars in his eyes. “But…” he reaches into his pockets and turns them over. There was a bent paper clip, some lint, and a dollar with a little bit of gum dangerously attached to the corner. 

“Ah, the tragedy of high school allowance strikes again” Michael exclaims dramatically, reaching for the dollar. 

“Guess we’re gonna have to wait till we’re working for that tattoo huh?” Jeremy shrugs his shoulders but secretly thanks whatever god is listening right now. 

“But it’s so cool! It’s freakin pac man!” 

“Maybe we can find something else that’s cool?” and a lot cheaper. And totally not painful at all.  

Michael picked at the gum with his fingernail. Maybe if it wasn’t so disgusting it would actually be usable? One dollar was better than no dollar as they always say. He pulls it off methodically with Jeremy at his side watching and hoping for the best. And. 

The dollar rips in half much to both boys dismay. 

“Fuck.”

Jeremy snickers. “It’s okay. It was only a dollar.” 

“Hey every dollar is one step closer to coolness!” Michael shoves his broken hopes and dreams into his pocket and Jeremy actually starts laughing at how cute his boyfriend is.

Michael tries to shove his upsetness into the pit of his stomach as well, but Jeremy knows he very obviously wants a pac-man tattoo. Why did having a bunch of ink injected into you have to cost over 50 dollars? 

“Can’t you just draw it on with a sharpie?” 

“Pshh and have it wash off the next day? Uh, no Jer.” Michael crosses his arms. “You just don’t get how cool tattoos are.”

“And painful.”

“Coolness _ is _ pain” Michael clenches his fist and dramatically wipes a tear. “Why else would jocks run ten miles and lift weights heavier than bulldozers?” Jeremy actually nods at this. 

“We’re cool too” Jeremy offers. “No one else can beat our records at the arcade.” 

Michael chuckles at this, and Jeremy feels stress leaving his shoulders. “Wanna go?” 

“Yeah” Jeremy says, but takes one last glance at the body modification shop. There were your usual dragon tattoos hanging off the walls and piercings of all shapes and sizes layed out in rows on the shop window. It was crazy just what you could do to your body, just the thought of all that pain made Jeremy’s head ache. 

Then something glinted in the corner of his eye. It was pure silver and very small but Jeremy could not tear his eyes away. 

“Michael.”

“Yeah?”

“Look at this.” 

“Uhhh” Michael let his eyes scan the entire shop window. “Having second thoughts about matching pac mans?” Michael smirked. 

“What? No!” Jeremy said, feeling the pain creep up his skin again. “I mean, look at  _ that _ ” he pointed at the pair of silver earrings and  _ oh. _

_ “OH!” _

“YEAH??”

“YEAH!!” 

“Now??”

“Why the hell not??” and maybe it’s a stupid idea to get a piercing right now and to blow a month’s worth of lunch money but they were dating now and he’d wanted to have a piece of permanence for a long tim. Like the tetris earrings that fit into each other perfectly, this just felt so  _ right.  _

“Let’s go” Jeremy said, swallowing his fear. The shop was a lot darker than it looked on the outside and Jeremy wondered what’s with these shops looking so dark and edgy all the time. And for how dark and edgy it was, it was surprisingly brightly lit and the floors were squeaky clean. At least he was sure the equipment would be clean as well. “Ready?” he said looking beside him, but Michael wasn’t there. The shop guy looked at him weirdly as Jeremy talked to the air. “Michael?” 

“Uhh” he said when he heard his name being summoned. 

“No way, you’re scared?”

“No! I-I’m not.”

“How’re you gonna get a tattoo now?” Jeremy sneered while crossing his arms. 

Michael huffed out his chest. “Whatever it’s just a piercing!” he marched right into the shop but stopped short in front of the piercing chair. He gulped and as much as Jeremy wanted to tease him, this was still a pretty big decision. He put a hand on Michael’s shoulder and said tenderly “You’re sure?” 

Michael took a deep breath and looked Jeremy straight in the eyes. “I’m sure” he smiled. “Wouldn’t want my first permanent thing with anyone else” Michael said, psyching himself up. 

“Ok, but” Jeremy let his hand travel from Michael’s shoulder down his arm and into his hand, interlocking their fingers for good measure. “We’re in this together, right?”

Michael felt his heart thump so hard in his chest and he wondered if he would ever get used to this feeling. The answer of course, was obvious

*

“Yes” Jeremy says earnestly  _ “Yes.” _

It feels like earthquakes and tsunamis and wreckage but in such a good way. It feels like the butterflies inside him have multiplied tenfold. It feels like a dream but it isn’t. It really isn’t this time. 

He scoots closer to Jeremy’s bedside, reaching out for Jeremy’s cold hand but hesitating. “It’s real this time…” he mutters under his breath. 

_ This time? _ Jeremy thinks, and he can’t believe his ears.  _ Just...How long…?  _

Jeremy shoots up from his hospital bed and grabs Michaels hand and holds it tight just like when they were kids, and everything else falls away. Michael flinches, but more than anything he’s flustered, and it looks like he could use more convincing. Jeremy didn’t want to listen to the voices in his head anymore. He’d just clung on to every word his SQUIP told him and look where that landed him. No, no more voices in his head, no more overthinking every little thing. Only what was right in front of him. Only the reality right in front of him. 

“Dude, you’ve been staring for a while and holding my hand really tight...are you okay?” Michael asks, but he had also been staring back equally as hard and you could tell because his cheeks were so pink. 

_ No more voices _ Jeremy thought. “No more!” he said it loudly to himself this time, startling Michael. 

“Jeremy?? Is it the SQUIP?? Is it back —” but before he could reach the end of his panicking Jeremy crashed into those soft lips with his own. Michaels lips really were as soft as he thought they’d be. Jeremy felt fireworks go off in every nerve of his body. It made him feel powerful, hungry and more than okay. Hot and wanting and  _ more.  _ They broke apart, breathless, already yearning for another kiss. 

“Did we really just…?” Michael breathes, bordering on laughter. 

“Yeah, we really just did” Jeremy replies, feeling his lips tingle. He traces them with the tip of his finger and it feels like electricity flowing through his blood stream. 

Jeremy feels Michaels hand slide up his jaw, feels Michael pull him in like the only gravity he needs, feels Michaels electrifying lips on his and it’s like nebulas building and exploding inside him all at once. It’s like perfection. 

And maybe he doesn’t know anything about dating or love or having your best friend become your boyfriend. Maybe he doesn’t know anything at all except that he wants to stay this way forever. 

*

*

*

The restaurant really did look like any other hipster cafe in the day time. Cups clinked away and espresso machines screeched as Michael tapped away furiously at his phone. 

**To RichieB01**

I just don’t know what to say y’know?

We like

Haven’t talked in forever 

Not to mention I’m a total nerd

:( 

**From RichieB01**

Bro

You’re totally hot as fuck now

I’d date you

**To RichieB01**

Uh

Thanks???

**From RichieB01**

Jeremy’s lucky to even have this, what second chance? Third chance with you? 

 

Michael actually chuckles at this. 

 

**To RichieB01**

Thanks, real helpful.

**From RichieB01**

:)

Just be yourself dude

You’re meeting your best friend

I mean he’s your ex

But best friends first!!!

 

Right. Best friends first. 

 

**To RichieB01**

You’re right. I should chill out 

Omg he’s here

See you in the dorm!! 

 

Michael pocketed his phone with buttery fingers, looking up just in time to see Jeremy smiling at him and taking a seat. Jeremy could be 14, 17 or even 20 and still have the same boyish smile. 

“Hey” Jeremy says, and Michael can feel butterflies settling in his stomach like when he was in high school again. 

“Hey” he replies, propping a hand up on his cheek. 

Michael looks even more handsome than he did before he left. He looks older and his hair has grown longer at the front but shaved at the back. He’s upgraded his glasses from round geeky ones to square dad ones. 

Michael looks so fucking gorgeous that Jeremy wants to hold on to him forever and never let him go again. 

“You’re staring” Michael waves a hand in front of Jeremy’s face, and Jeremy catches onto five new bracelets — two on his right, three on his left — and “Is that a pacman tattoo?” 

Michael looks at his forearm as if looking at it for the first time. “Oh yeah” he says. “Hurt like hell.”

_ Wish I’d been there to hold your hand through the pain _ Jeremy thinks as if he has any right to think like that at all. 

“How’s everything?” Jeremy says, absentminded. 

“It’s cool. School’s tough but fun and Rich makes the bad feelings go away” Michael says just as casually. Jeremy feels his blood run cold in him. 

“Oh” is all he manages to say. 

“I mean like he talks to me and stuff y’know?” Michael quickly adds in. “How about you?” 

“Uh, same, but with Christine.”

“Ah, the human ray of sunshine” Michael says trying to lighten the mood. “I remember when we were in high school and you were all goo-goo eyed over her” he says wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Ugh, now I have to bleach that memory out of my mind again” Jeremy laughs just like he always does when Michael’s around. 

“As if you ever did in the first place” Michael laughs. “Bet it’s still permanently ranked as number 1 embarrassing memory in your life isn’t it?” 

“Yeah right” Jeremy reaches over to lightly punch Michael in the arm. “Nothing’s as bad as the time you slipped and fell on your ass in public.”

“Hey I came out of that with style.” 

“And pants you could never wear again” Jeremy snickered and it was Michael’s turn to punch his best friend’s arm. 

“And then…” Michael says wistfully. 

“I gave you my jacket” Jeremy says dreamily. He props his face up with his hand as well, letting the other one linger under the table. 

“Just like how I gave you mine yesterday” Michael says, letting their hands touch. “You still wear that weird mom perfume.” 

“Whatever! As long as I don’t smell gross” Jeremy counters. It’s weird how easily they can just fall into conversation like they hadn’t missed any time at all. Weird and very comforting. 

“Hey” Michael says, suddenly tugging at Jeremy’s hand under the table. “Uh.”

“Yeah?” Jeremy says, interlocking their fingers, and it’s really all the encouragement Michael needs. 

“Wait outside for me?” 

“At that one place yesterday?” Michael nods. “Okay” he says, giving Michaels hand one last squeeze. 

 

The sky is painted with hues of purple, blue and pink. It isn’t as cold as it was last night but Jeremy still feels the need to wrap his arms around himself. His tummy still churns at the thought of seeing Michael again and how much he isn’t worth someone like him, but he remembers that it’s  _ Michael.  _ Sweet, funny, always so Michael. He really doesn’t deserve someone so wonderful. He’s leaning against one of the ledges of the gazebo when he suddenly hears guitar strings in the background. 

 

_ Can't count the years on one hand that we've been together _

“You sound even more amazing up close” Jeremy chuckles. 

“I’m freakin amazing everyday, Jer” Michael says all proud of himself. 

“You really are” Jeremy says aloud, feeling his whole face heat up. 

Michael feels his face heating up too, and he smiles as he sings. 

 

_ It's not a walk in the park to love each other _

_ But when our fingers interlock, can't deny, can't deny, you're the worth it _

Michael keeps doing the thing he does where you can practically hear him smiling as he sings and there’s a bounce in his strumming and Jeremy finds himself going closer and closer. He wants to hold Michael’s hand and kiss it and tell him he’s not going to fuck up this time and even if he does he’s willing to stay to fix all of it. 

 

He wants to say so many things, but he wants to cherish this moment as well. 

So he sings. 

_ I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you, I'm into you _

_ And baby even on our worst nights _

_ I'm into you, I'm into you _

“Didn’t know you were into pop culture bands.”

“Didn’t know that either Mr Retro” Jeremy quirks an eyebrow. 

“It’s just emo enough for my liking” Michael smiles proudly and it makes Jeremy’s heart soar. 

 

_ And after all this time _

“I’m still into you” they both sing and it feels like unlocking a treasure trove of memories. It feels like the same truth they’ve been telling themselves for so long. 

 

_ Some things just, some things just make sense _

_ And one of those is you and I _

Michael looks up from his strumming to see Jeremy with hearts swimming in his eyes and he’s sure he looks the same. 

 

_ Some things just, some things just make sense _

_ And even after all this time _

He puts the guitar down, closing the space between them. 

“I'm into you” he drops his voice into a whisper and holds Jeremys chin. Jeremy lets his eyes flutter close.

“Baby not a day goes by, that I'm not into you” Michael declares, before closing the distance all the way. Jeremy finds Michaels free hand at his side and interlocks them together. It fits like their lips do and everything feels just right. There aren’t fireworks anymore, only a fireplace slowly burning. No more electrifying sparks or ground shaking ecstasy, just warm butterflies and the feeling of stable ground. 

It doesn’t feel perfect. 

It feels like going home. 

 

They break apart for a moment and Jeremy looks at his not boyfriend—but he so wishes he were—starry eyed. Then he reaches up to touch Michael’s ear. 

“You’ve got more” he says, fingering to two tetris pieces, now sitting one atop the other. 

“Yeah, needed more space” Michael laughs, trailing his hand up to reach Jeremy’s. 

“Did it hurt?” 

“Yeah” he brings Jeremy’s hand down to his lips. “But it was worth it” and plants a sweet kiss there. “We’re in this together right?” 

Jeremy nods and it feels like he could cry. “Forever, if you want” he says without any doubts. “I could move to London?”

“Nah. It’s too cold and it rains everyday” Michael says. “You’re gonna fall sick I swear.” 

It’s a strange gesture but he knows Michael’s probably right. “You fell sick didn’t you?” 

“Yup.”

“At least 10 times.”

“20 if you’re counting properly ” Michael corrects. Jeremy wishes he could’ve been there every single one of those 10 or 20 times. 

“I want you back in my life” Jeremy says. “I miss my best friend” he whispers. “I miss my boyfriend.” 

Michael pecks a sweet kiss to Jeremy’s forehead. “Gotta ask officially first.” 

Jeremy rolls his eyes but he knows just what to do to get him back. “Ahem” he clears his throat and drops down to one knee. It’s cheesy as fuck but the blush all over Michaels face is so worth it. He takes Michaels hand in his and puts the other to his heart. 

“Michael Mell, would you like to be my boyfriend again? I promise to build a house and a life together with you. We’re gonna fight and we’re gonna have shitty nights, but we’re also gonna have too many gaming nights on the softest bean bags and cradled in the warmest arms” god this was so fucking cheesy but Jeremy was determined to embarrass the hell out of his almost boyfriend. “Because even after a year apart” Michael pulls him up to his feet. “I’m still into you.”

“You stole my line.” 

“It’s just good enough to steal” Jeremy smiles back. “So,” he closes in on Michael again, their lips ghosting “What do you say?” 

And the answer? 

The answer is easy. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love;;;these boys;;;so freakin much;;;; holy s h i t  
> If you're confused over anything try reading the fic from bottom up ;3 (everything between the 3 asterisk)  
> Thank you so much for giving this fic a chance!! I tried some new stuff here and there but I still feel like I could write better aaaaaa  
> Please leave me some sobs of joy/sadness if you liked this fic <3


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